The Lover and the Beloved
by Teresa Martin
Summary: In an effort to end the threat against Storybrooke, Regina goes back to The Enchanted Forest to definitively redeem herself. It does not go as expected. OutlawQueen.
1. Chapter 1

A.N. Well it happened. A non-Rumbelle fic popped into my head and wouldn't go away. I officially had about two hours of sleep one night plotting it, and the fingers are literally tingling, so out it comes. The title comes from the poem "The Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross and if you've read his works, you know we are going dark, dark, and darker, so dark it should come with a warning label, and by the time we get to the Epilogue we'll hopefully be so cleansed as to assert with moral certainty that unicorn stickers and rainbow kisses really are the true meaning of life. He pulled it off brilliantly. We'll see if I come close. My first OutlawQueen fic.

Prologue:

_Dear Henry,_

_I've left this letter with Emma. I will let her decide if you can read it. This is my goodbye. I want only one thing: for you to be happy. You can't be with the way things are between me and your parents. When Rumplestiltskin showed me the way to end this new curse, I knew what needed to be done. I am the only person nobody will miss if I fail. This is for you. I love you, Mom._

**P-P-P-P**

Regina opened her eyes. Home. But not home. And certainly not where she wished to be. "Where the hell did you take me, fairy?" she called out.

She looked about for several minutes, listening to rustling grasses and searching for the telltale green.

"What the hell, Tink?" she called out.

"Slight detour," Tinkerbell finally flickered into sight. "You owe me."

Regina rolled her eyes, "I owe everybody. Be more specific."

"For that ultimate fail of yours."

The fluttering sounds from the wings were already starting to annoy Regina. "Which ultimate fail?"

"Oh good gods," Tiinkerbell exclaimed, "the one when we first met!"

Regina was starting to think along with the fairy's eccentric frequencies on this one. "You didn't bring me to Rumplestiltskin's castle, did you?"

Tinkerbell fluttered around her, "Not quite."

Regina's contralto dropped another octave, "How not quite?"

"Not quite two week's walk away."

**P-P-P-P**

A group of about ten men halted in their progress. There were shouting, high pitched squeals. The leader paused a moment, trying to discern. All he heard were snatches of "You owe mes" and "I hate all effing fairies and all their mother-f…." Did a lady just say that?

He gestured and all automatically surrounded the feuding females who were so engaged in verbally abusing each other that neither noticed that they were surrounded.

He stepped up to them and, began, "Ladies, I would suggest you …." Only to be cut off as the dark-haired one shouted, "Shut up!"

He paused a beat, waiting to be certain the silence was his to fill and inquired, "Was that for me or the fairy, m'lady?"

The dark-haired woman froze, and then slowly turned to see the arrow pointed straight into her face.

Instead of answering him, she whirled around and shouted, "I will hold this against you for ten life-times, Tink!"

But before she finished her sentence, the fairy was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

_One dark night, _

…_.I went out unseen,_

…_.my house being now all stilled …._

Regina was sitting by the fire rather enjoying the impression she must be giving to the muttering men, sitting in a glowing red given off by the nearby healthy flames of the fire. Quite the Macbeth ambiance and she would milk it if needed. Especially needed after the undignified first impression she had given. She happily met anyone's eyes when looked at, the small smirk playing … upright posture … regal… The Evil Queen.

They would get it soon.

The leader was now staring at her, studying.

Ok. Sooner.

She called out, "You haven't restrained me."

"To what end, Your Majesty?" he called back.

She laughed, clasped her hands together, "Well done! Well done indeed! Have I had the pleasure of meeting you in happier days?"

"Not officially," he took some confident, yet measured steps towards her. "You may recall a falling out you had with some of your subjects shortly after the rightful heir, Snow White, disappeared."

Her smile grew, "Ah, something about, 'I'm the Queen, and you're not?'"

"Yes."

"And, you said something like, 'No?'"

He bowed in affirmation.

She gestured like shooing a fly, "I remember you Robin of Locksely. You would always give tedious speeches whenever you stole from me."

He looked up as though thinking, then spoke, "'That which is unjustly taken cannot be stolen back. It is given to the rightful owners.'"

"That's right. The very one … yes," Regina rolled her eyes. " I remember. Sherwood Forest was always rather medieval. Looking at your garb I see that this has not changed." She stood. Turning slowly in a circle, meeting all their eyes.

"I thank you for the compliment," Robin Hood responded.

Regina laughed sitting nearer the flames, giving her a red shadow now, with he beside her. "So, Robin Hood, you must now have justice. Will you try to carry it out now?"

"No," Robin answered.

That did stop her, "No?"

"No," he repeated. "There is a higher justice, and it is not mine to dispense."

Regina groaned, "You really miss your little university, don't you? I feel like I am in the lecture hall."

"It was rather petty of you to put an end to it," he commented. "So much energy for such a small part of the world."

"Not a lot of energy," Regina shrugged.

Robin shook his head, "If you really weren't worried about what we were doing, you would have just ignored us."

"Old news," Regina dismissed. "Let's get back to where we are now." She smiled. "You know that anything you do is at my pleasure. Whenever I wish, I could put an end to you and your little men in a matter of seconds."

"So why don't you?" he asked.

"I have my reasons."

He grinned now, "As do I."

"We're back then, aren't we? Back to the way it was. If I put an end to you…"

"…I win," he finished.

Regina laughed, "Yes, they'll write songs about you, make stained glass windows, the Prince of Thieves who died standing for what was right rather than betray who he was."

"I can think of worse fates," he held her gaze.

She pursed her lips, "Such as becoming a drawing of a cuddly fox?"

"Majesty?"

"Don't worry," Regina assured him. "What you won't see can't ever hurt you." She leaned in towards him, "Let's stop pretending we don't both know that there are at least ten bows pointed at my head in that," she gestured to the dark beyond the fire, "and also that you're prepared too." Her eyes pointedly shifted to his bow and arrow.

"I wasn't pretending," Robin replied. "I thought it was fairly obvious." Then he studied her again. "So what do we do with you, Queen?"

Her face lit up, "Let me go?"

"No," he laughed.

"So we negotiate," Regina nodded her head. "How can we both get what we want?"

"What is it you want?" he asked.

"Something from Rumplestiltskin's castle." She looked up to him, "And you, thief?"

"I want you gone from this world."

Regina shrugged. "Easy enough to arrange, since I have no intention of ever returning here." She looked to him again, "I like it when things are kept simple." She stood, "Take me to Rumplestiltskin's castle, and I swear you'll never see me again."

"I can live with that." Robin rose with her and held out his hand, "Shake on it like a gentleman?"

She clapped her hand in his, matching his strength, shaking it firmly. Then all stopped.

"You can let go now," the low voice seemed to come from far away.

"What?" Regina's head snapped up to look at him. Robin was looking a little askance at her now.

"My hand?" He nodded his head towards it.

"Of course," Regina muttered.

"You've never seen a tattoo before?" Eyebrows raised.

"Not often one like that," she recovered quickly. "You still look for the lion to return?"

Robin glanced at his wrist, "Always." He bowed and walked away.

Regina then spent the next hour debating with herself whether she should just forget what she saw.

.


	3. Chapter 3

**. . . by the secret ladder, disguised,**

**. . . in darkness and concealment . . .**

It was less than a day since they had begun the journey to Rumplestiltskin's castle and Regina was already nearing her last nerve. Walking and climbing through the untamed forest was not her idea of a holiday and it was anything but fun trekking in the midst of men whose hands were never away from their weapon's reach. From the unfriendly visages accompanying the alert men, Regina was certain that if an arrow "slipped" and she became a human pin-cushion, no tears would be shed.

As each minute of tedium increased, she found the need to speak something growing within her. She held it back, trying- _for Henry, it's for Henry_—not to say anything imprudent.

Regina lasted one more hour.

"You seem reduced," she said out loud. Some eyes went her direction, but then went back forward, "Did some Merry Men abandon ship? Start a new hobby?"

Robin halted, and turned around. "The ones that you see are those you did not imprison or order executed."

"Oh." Great. Just reminded them of the reason why she should be impaled. Robin resumed walking. She followed after another cautious look at the men's weapon hands. No sign of an "oops" coming.

For now.

They moved on in continued silence pausing as they reached a ledge, then men lithely jumped down. Robin Hood looked to Little John, and cocked a thumb in her direction.

"I can help myse…" Regina began to protest, but was cut off as she was swiftly lifted, or rather, dragged down. Little John let go of her waist immediately. "Thank you." She straightened her coat about her as he moved swiftly back to his leader.

The thick silence remained until they set camp that evening.

She ate alone, isolated a distance from the men. "We're doubling back," she said aloud into the silent space, "I've noticed."

After a moment, Robin came to her space, and handed her a jug of water. "We're rendezvousing with a few of our people."

Regina nodded, taking a deep gulp. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was. "Is that when I'll meet Maid Marian again?" She allowed a small smirk, "though I guess after she ran off and married you, she doesn't quite go by the first part of that name." Robin stiffened and his expression reminded her why he was a man people had feared. She could have eaten the chill for desert. Robin walked to the outskirts of the circle where he was only a silhouette. She didn't need to see more than one pair of visual daggers now coming from all directions to know they were there.

Damn.

"Ok," Regina shouted out to those who might hear, looking up and about, "what did I say?" She emphasized with exasperated palms out with her words, "What did I say now?"

Nobody answered, "Ohh kay," she muttered.

After minutes of unsettling silence, she heard Robin speak: "My wife is dead"

Regina looked down. What to say to that? She stared ahead into the wall of darkness. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

The shadows showed him shake his head, "No, you're not." And he disappeared completely into the darkness.

Regina took a step forward, "I beg your pardon, but I am," she directed to wherever he had disappeared. "I know what it's like to lose family too!"

No reply.

Regina bit her lip.

Yes. She was going to kill Tinkerbell.


	4. Chapter 4

… **I went out unseen,**

**my house being now all stilled…**

"No good deed ever goes unpunished."

Regina sighed. Dammit, dammit, dammit. She remembered the promise she'd made to Henry about not using magic, about trying to use her natural gifts, not magic, to get what she wants, and this is what it got her. Stuck in the woods with a bunch of pms-plagued, smelly men.

One of whom Tinkerbell was convinced was her "happy ending." She couldn't wait to throw that BS back in the moth's face.

If she made it back at all.

But it was Henry's face that stuck in her mind. Maybe give it one more day? See how it goes?

The dawn was coming fast.

Screw it!

What Henry won't know, won't hurt him.

Brushing herself off, she stood up straight and began to walk. An arrow whizzed by, she moved still, another, closer, as she heard commands to stop. The next arrow she caught and whirled back, taking some satisfaction in seeing the men duck.

Regina kept walking.

A few rustles alerted her that she was being followed. She didn't look.

He kept coming closer, she ignored him.

"Stop!" Yep, it was Robin Hood.

"Why?" she asked still looking forward and moving swiftly.

Robin kept coming. "You can't …."

"I can't?" Regina scoffed. "I most certainly can! You can't stop me."

"If this is what you wanted to do, why waste a whole day being under our escort?"

"I made a promise," Regina replied, "and you idiots have convinced me, once again, there is no damn point."

"There's always a point," Robin insisted.

"Do you understand this point?" Regina finally turned and gave him the one-fingered salute.

"No, I cannot say that I do," he replied steadily.

"Good." She turned back and moved a little faster.

"Your Majesty…."

Regina laughed, "Why do you keep calling me that? You don't think I'm a Queen, and I'm tired of seeing you pretending. One day of this is quite enough, thank you very much."

"Regina, then," Robin offered.

"Yes, that's my name," her chin lifted.

"I have one, too," he reminded her.

"Fine, Robin," she emphasized the name. "Why don't we all have a happy ending and you just pretend I'm not here?"

"I would," he replied, "if I didn't have greater cause for concern knowing that you are running loose again in our land."

"I told you I was leaving," Regina told him, "and, if you recall, one thing I never do is lie."

She kept walking, looking about, getting bearings. It wouldn't take much, could transport … do whatever.

But Robin kept following.

She whirled, "Are you a moron?"

"Far from it, Regina. I don't care that you're here or even headed toward my castle. But I do care that you are about to enter that clearing," Robin gestured in front of her.

"Why?" Regina snapped and took another step forward, into the clearing … and came upon Frodo Baggins. Or rather his half-sized little clone. A clone that ran past her and into the Robin Hood's arms.

"Daddy!"

Regina looked at the father and son, astonished.

"This is why I care," Robin told her.

Damn!


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N. Thank you all for your kind reviews, favorites and follows. I have not been able to resume the story sooner since I was busy with Enchantacon last weekend. **

… **with no other light or guide**

**than the One that burned in my heart. **

"What is this?" Regina demanded.

"A child?" Robin set a squirming Roland down who ran to greet the other men.

"I know it's a child," Regina snapped. "I want to know what the he..." she caught herself, a wary eye on the boy. "What is a child doing out here?"

Robin shrugged, "He's my son. We travel together as a group."

"Your…do you… do you know how dangerous that is?"

"Not as bad as it used to be." Regina scoffed. His voice rose, "Do you really think I would for one second put my son in danger?"

"I really don't know what you would or wouldn't do," Regina matched his volume.

"Well, now you know!" He shot back.

"Don't shout! You're scaring him."

"I am not shouting!" Robin glanced behind to see his son frowning, "I have a strong voice. It projects."

"Oh, right," Regina retorted, then exhaled, her attention on the little boy who was now giggling as he was tossed about like a football between the Merry Men.

Robin lowered his voice, "Perhaps if you had a child …."

"I do have a child, ass-!" Regina's eyes snapped fire. "That's the only damn reason I'm still here with you."

Robin blinked, "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't." She took a step toward him, looking up with gritted teeth, "I promised him I wouldn't use magic anymore to solve my problems. Otherwise I wouldn't have stayed one second with this pathetic little band."

Robin met her gaze and said slowly, "I see."

"Surprised?" She laughed a little maniacally.

"Yes, I must admit."

Regina stepped around him, seeing Roland frolicking and smiling, then looking at her.

And she saw Henry. Saw him asking one day if she had kept her promise. Could she lie to him? Her Henry?

She turned back to Robin, "Well, I think there's a little boy who needs to get back to a stable environment. So let's quit talking, and get the hell to Rumplestiltskin's castle."

"Actually it's mine now," Robin informed her, "squatters' rights."

"Congratulations, let's move!" She moved toward the boy, and an arm shot out, stopping her.

"Not one more step," Robin warned.

"Really?" She gestured to his arm pointedly, "Really?"

"Yes." His visage did not invite contradiction.

Regina's jaw clenched, "I would never hurt a child!"

"Well, I have only your word for that, don't I?" Robin stated.

Regina began to respond, thought better of it, and pivoted, walking forward again.

The next hours she was stewing so hard, her lips so pressed into a thin line, that she thought her jaw might crack. Robin had during that time offered a quiet apology for assuming she didn't have a child. Regina ignored him, strutting on, but always keeping an eye on the little boy. Making sure he was alright, not too tired, and staying clear of anything that could appear perilous.

Mother's instincts.

These heightened when their path took them along a river. She was tense, like a hawk, and finally called a warning to keep the child to the right, farthest away from the river's edge when he drifted too close.

The responses were silent glares, and a firm, "he's fine," from Robin Hood.

But she was still tingling all over, not liking where they were.

"Just keep him..." Regina started.

"He's fin—" Robin didn't get the last out when a shadow swarmed above them. There were shouts of warning, people ducked, and Regina turned just in time to see the confused boy stumble.

And fall right into the river.

Before she had time to think, Regina jumped in after him.


	6. Chapter 6

**On that glad night**

**in secret, for no one saw me,**

**nor did I look at anything**

**with no other light or guide**

**than the One that burned in my heart.**

"And …and …then…. and…"

Regina wasn't quite following what Roland was saying to her. He had been talking her head off since they got out of the water. She was so relieved he was ok, she let him prattle on.

When Robin emerged from the water, he too was soaking wet, and drew his son from her into his arms.

Regina watched the reunion in silence and then asked, "Is this a good time to say 'I told you so?'"

"No," he replied, not looking at her, and kissing Roland.

"Good. I told you so!" Robin shook his head, a small smile on his face. Regina leaned toward him and whispered loudly, "And you're welcome."

He nodded, "Thank you," touched his son's cloak. "He's dry."

"I used magic," Regina said simply.

Robin abruptly took his attention away from Roland and looked long and hard at her. A beat, and then, "Could you do that for me?"

"Oh, hell no!"

He laughed heartedly at that, and held out his hand. "A shake, then?"

She took it reluctantly, trying not to wince at the tattoo. "And a wife," Regina added.

"A what?" he looked sharply at her.

"Or a nanny." She pointed severely at him, "Do you hear me? A wife or a nanny! Keep that boy at the castle."

He bowed his head, "Yes, m'lady."

"And next time don't make me jump in a river to prove the point!"

"As you have said."

"Good. I'm glad that's settled," Regina stood up. "Now let's get back to your men, and move!"

Regina kept Roland firmly by her side the rest of the day, speaking to him, holding him when he napped, and when they made camp, tucking him into bed. None of the band objected and there was a noticeable new regard for her. Amazing. Such a cliché. She just had to save a little boy's life to finally get some respect. "Men," she muttered, shaking her head as she proceeded to sing a lullaby to Roland. One of Henry's favorites when he was little.

As soon as the child was in deep sleep, Regina moved to the fire. Robin was there too, concerned enough yet to keep an eye on her with his son, she knew. The rest had retired. She sat by him.

"A wife or…." she began.

"A nanny," he interrupted. "The point has been well made."

"I don't think it would be too hard for you to find either," she muttered.

He smiled at that, and handed her the flask. As her lips touched the rim, she tasted rum. She pretended to take a sip.

"A nanny."

"What?" Regina asked.

"A nanny," Robin repeated. "I'm not …," he paused. "A wife is not something I want now. Maybe never."

There was a long silence. Awkward. "I'm sorry you lost her," Regina finally said softly.

"She was the best thing that ever happened to me," he said quietly, staring pensively into the fire.

She handed the flask back to him, at a loss for words. He jerked his head slightly to her, "And you? You lost your husband."

Regina chucked darkly, "Lost?" He frowned. "Sorry. I never loved…well, the king wasn't exactly my first choice." She was now staring into the fire, "My mother accepted for me. I didn't have much of a say in the matter." He was still looking at her, so she continued, "It was before I, before I became … what I am."

"You were, rather." Robin's words caught her off guard. "It seems you've changed," he explained. "Isn't that what you've been so implicitly trying to convey?"

She recovered and narrowed her eyes mischievously, "I could be deceiving you, you know."

"Deceiving?"

"You know the whole 'conjure a beast, save the kid to fool you into trusting me.'"

"You could be," he took another drink, "but you aren't."

After a moment, Regina replied. "No, I'm not." She looked up, trying to find something to change the subject. Robin held out his hand to give her the flask again. Good. A distraction. But then the tattoo again came into her line of vision.

Damn.

"Don't think that I haven't noticed you eyeing that from the moment we met," Robin noted.

Double Damn.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing," Regina pretended to drink again and gave it back, "nothing at all."

"If it were nothing you wouldn't flinch like the devil before Holy Water," Robin contradicted. He peered at her. "What is it?"

She found her opening, "You have Holy Water?"

"Yes. We have friars too. Friar Tuck?"

"Interesting how the Middle Ages exist in a corner of the Enchanted Forest," Regina remarked.

"The Middle Ages?"

Nice. She had turned the conversation in a different direction. "What we call where you live in the other world. But a time, not a place."

"Interesting indeed," Robin mused.

"Time periods existing in other worlds," Regina added.

"Yes, but," Robin's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, "don't think you will succeed in changing the subject!" His move was sudden, but gentle. Then he touched her hand to the tattoo. They both stared at it. "No sizzling, hot burning flesh," he remarked. Regina shrugged. "So it's not holy magic you flinch from. So I ask again," he leaned in, "what is it?"

"Nothing," she repeated.

"If it were nothing you would ignore it."

Regina's voice rose, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"When you don't care about something, you ignore it," Robin told her. "No reaction. No anger. Just nothing." She didn't answer. "Is it the lion?" he inquired. "What does a lion mean?"

"I'm rusty on symbology," Regina answered dryly.

Cold eyes met steel ones, and then a warm hand suddenly had her finger tracing the tattoo.

"What does a lion mean?" Robin spoke softly, but it was a command.

"It's…." as she spoke the hand kept tracing, and her voice got lower, "It's a symbol of pride, royalty…"

"And?"

"And nothing… just nothing." She pulled away. "I don't care."

"If you didn't care..."

"I wouldn't allow it to bother me. Yes. Got it." He waited. "You're not going to let this go?"

"No."

Regina sighed, "There's a…. sort of prophecy."

"Ah," both of Robin's eyebrows raised, "a prophecy. And what did the seer say?"

"Worse than a seer," Regina grumbled, "a fairy."

"Does it portend your doom?" He asked in mock terror.

She shrugged again.

"Or mine perhaps?"

"Depends on how you interpret it," Regina replied. "And there's no way in hell I'm telling you. We all know what happens, don't you, professor?"

"It becomes self-fulfilling." Robin nodded. "And I'm a scholar, not a professor."

"Same difference."

"Actually there's…."

"Oh my gods can we not start this again?" Regina exclaimed.

"Not start what?" Robin asked.

She glared and he laughed. "Stop it!" Regina ordered. "Today I got soaked in a river, my feet hurt, and to make an understatement, I'm cranky."

"Very well," he replied, but then his hand reached out to hers, and closed around her wrist. All breath left her in a silent whoosh, and her arm tingled.

"Your turn," Robin leaned in, eyes piercing.

"Mine?"

He continued, "Quid pro quo?"

"Entschuldigung?"

"Or Latin for?" he pressed.

"I know what it means," Regina told him.

"If you have a prophecy about me," he adjusted his seat, "so must I about you. Let me read it."

"There's nothing on my wrist," she smirked knowingly, "And it's on the hand for the fortune tellers."

"Ah, divination."

"Which you don't believe in."

"And neither do you." Robin still had her hand, traced her hand haphazardly, and spoke, "The Evil Queen is very powerful, she's done horrible things, terrible things that can never be forgiven or forgotten by any realm." Her hand was trapped by both his now, "But there is a law beyond the realm that can grant it. If she has the courage to accept it." He glanced up at her.

Regina pulled her hand away. "You suck at fortune telling."

"I apologize," Robin perked up again. "When the opportunity presents itself again I'll give you a better one. Something about great riches and treasures."

"Sounds good," she stood and looked everywhere but at him. "Thank you for the rum."

"You didn't drink it," he grinned at her.

Regina allowed a half-smile in return and walked to her tent.

Her arm was still tingling.

Don't look back. Don't look back.

She looked back.

He was standing by the fire watching her.

She quickly turned her head and lay down to try and sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**In darkness, and secure,**

**by the secret ladder, disguised** **. . .**

Regina awoke to a nearly empty camp. A few men were banking the fires. Roland was sitting up clutching his blanket. Robin was nowhere to be seen. The boy must have woken up after he left. Regina went to him and set about getting the boy up and fed. Before he ate she insisted he wash his hands and sang the ABC's to show him how long he needed to wash. He didn't know the song.

"Then it's time you learn," she told him, and he sang along with her. "That's it. You pick it up quickly," Regina couldn't resist ruffling his hair.

She washed her hands and splashed some water on her face, and when she wiped her eyes had another vision of Frodo Baggins, this time with a golden ring on the end of a chain, which the boy was fingering pensively. The One Ring? Henry would like that. But that would be too much, even for her life.

"What is it?" she asked kneeling by Roland.

"It's from Mama."

"Your mother?" Then she understood. A wedding ring.

"This is Daddy's," Roland explained. "Mama took hers to Heaven."

Oh.

"Daddy lets me wear it sometimes."

"I see," then Regina smiled at him. "That is very nice, that you have that."

Roland nodded so solemnly that Regina nearly laughed, but stopped herself, knowing his feelings would be hurt, not understanding her reaction. He held it out to her then, seeing her interest. Regina touched it. It was very fine gold. Precious and…

"Have you eaten yet, Roland?"

Regina jumped. The men had returned. And Robin saw her fingering his wedding ring.

Sh-.

Like Hamlet peering at the skull.

Oh, sh-!

She stood up quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude," she spoke quickly as Robin held out his hand to Roland, taking the chain and ring back.

"You didn't," he said simply, putting it around his neck and tucking it inside his shirt, walking away to pack his tent.

She wouldn't be feeling like she should fall through the Earth if she hadn't been.

They set out. Ok. Change the subject, change the subject, and the awkward goes away faster. Change the subject.

"What were you all doing this morning?"

"Tracking," Robin replied. "That creature seems to be shadowing us. We thought we might get to it. But no luck." He gestured ahead, "that's why we're going deeper into the woods."

Regina wished she hadn't asked. She looked up, jittery, and called Roland closer to her side.

He nodded, catching her eyes knowingly, and then moved ahead.

She may have stumbled when her knees buckled a little.

This was getting ridiculous.

There was no sign of any more danger as the next few days melded into each other. All the group began chatting with each other a little more, the familiarity provided by several days of camping already seeping into them, despite the initial wariness.

Never underestimate the power of boredom to overcome murderous grudges.

And Robin kept coming by. While she tried not to engage, somehow she always allowed him to goad her into another verbal spar, and no matter how much she vowed the next time she wouldn't take the bait, she always did. It was all really a little adolescent, his behavior, the glee at getting her annoyed, yet she started to anticipate it, too. They had turned some sort of corner that night by the fire, exactly what, she wasn't sure. Keeping company in that setting became a habit after Roland was asleep. Each evening the conversation continued longer.

Even so, this day, Regina barely heard his next query; she was so much into a fantasy about a shower with shampoo, conditioner, and detangler.

"What?"

"Your turn," Robin said.

"Oh. Uh… King John?"

"No," Robin answered.

"Of course. That's me," Regina chuckled. She was gaining as many personalities as Rumplestiltskin. She should change her name to Sybil. This latest verbal past-time - "my medieval vs. yours"- was having surprising legs. She and Robin had gotten more than two hours out of it so far.

"Notre Dame?" Regina asked.

"Our Lady?" he nodded, "Yes."

"I meant the cathedral."

Robin shook his head. "No. None that I can think of."

"So no Quasimodo?" she asked.

"Yes. Quasimodo. The Easter Octave Antiphon."

'I'll take that as a 'no,'" Regina muttered.

"Now that's just silly."

"Oh and what do you call this conversation?"

"Passing the time," Robin suggested.

"With the Evil Queen?"

"No, with Regina," he corrected with an odd smile. "You … amuse me."

"Oh thanks," Regina rolled her eyes.

"It's a compliment!" he insisted.

"To you, yes. It's always about you," she commented sing-songy, sarcastic.

He looked down, "Or a way to compliment you in a way that you'll accept."

"No, except maybe …" but her voice died out. Her jaw dropped a little.

Robin had that smile about his face he often carried except this time it looked…nervous.

Oh.

Oh no.

Then dammit he looked up right into her eyes and she just about stopped breathing.

How the hell did they get to this?

Say something. Say something. Regina cleared her throat, "Thank you, I think," she said.

Robin stared a moment, then laughed lightly, walking away from her again, and the moment passed. Just quite what that moment was she wasn't sure. She just knew that she wanted it gone.

Away.

There was no point to any of this. She would be gone from the Enchanted Forest forever in less than a week.

No point.

She grabbed that part of her heart that was warming masochistically to Tink's little experiment, and put every mental image into her head to chill it.

For there was no point.

None.

None at all.


	8. Chapter 8

A.N. Sorry this took so long. I worked, reworked this rather pivotal chapter. I hope it works for you

**This guided me**

**more surely than the light of noon**

**to where he was awaiting me**

**- him I knew so well -**

Uggh. Walking...walking and walking and...

"How the hell do you stand it?" Regina asked Robin.

"Stand it? I love it," Robin replied. He patted a tree appreciatively, "I'm at home in these woods."

"Even when it's so dangerous?"

"Especially when it is dangerous," he grinned.

"Huh!" Regina grumbled. Men. "In our world men go bungee jumping, or snowboarding to get a rush. Nobody ends up dinner for some monstrous beast."

He shrugged. "This is my land. My world."

Yes. His world. Not hers anymore. Her world was where Henry is.

"But I will give credit where it is due," he continued. "You have won the point about putting that side of me more on hold, at least until Roland is older."

Regina smiled, "So something positive has come from all this."

"Yes," he answered, but looked away.

Stupid double meanings.

She continued hastily, "Children come first. Always."

"And you'll be with him soon," Robin squeezed her hand. He couldn't just let the moment pass, could he? Yet she was a little disturbed by the temptation to hold it there. He seemed to hesitate too, but then let go. "What's his name?"

"Henry," she replied, not being able to stop the smile that came over her face.

"A popular name," Robin noted. "The man from your world whom I helped had a son named Henry too."

Regina felt her lips pressing together. "Oh, it's the same boy."

He halted thunderstruck, "You and Neal?"

"Oh, hell no!" Regina exclaimed.

Robin frowned, "I don't understand."

"I'm sure he told you about Emma."

"Aw, yes. That was his mother, Emma."

"Emma was the name of the girl that he ... got in trouble, if you catch my meaning."

He looked as though he were mulling that over, "It's starting to make sense. Neal said he had many regrets."

"Oh, I'm sure he does!" Regina sniped.

"So, then you?"

"I am Henry's mother!" She said firmly. "I adopted him."

"Then he is your son," Robin said matter-of-factly.

"Well, in the other world it's not so simple," she let a breath of air out. "There are always… loopholes. And there was a heck of a one with me."

He began, "So when you came here…"

"I left him with his birth parents," Regina looked down. "I came here to stop a new curse, and if I fail, Henry will be fine. If I succeed, well, there's no guarantee he'll be mine, even though Emma and I agreed to share." She winced at how that sounded.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Regina assured him. "I am beginning to think it would be easier for him. Simpler."

"Simple isn't always better," Robin noted.

"I'll worry about that when the time comes. Now I know what I need to do. Make sure Henry has a world to be safe in… as for the rest…."

"Do you not have an advocate?" he asked.

"No," Regina laughed bitterly. "But then, I am the Evil Queen. Do I really deserve one?"

"That's for you to answer." Robin sighed, "As horrible as losing Roland's mother was, at least I know to whom he belongs."

"Yes. He has his father."

"I should be more grateful then, maybe." Regina shrugged. Robin placed a hand on her arm. "I hope it does work out, once you're home."

"Thank you," she allowed herself a small smile.

Then something made everything stop.

Looking back later, it all seemed to happen so quickly and yet seemed to take forever, that moment when the flying beast swooped on them. Regina ducked immediately, grabbing Roland and without a second thought placed a protective shield around him.

But that meant over nobody else.

She looked away from the boy just in time to see Little John and Robin picked up in its talons, then, disappearing.

Oh sh-!

And then it was over.

One of the men ordered. "We move on to the next marker, make camp, and then search."

Nobody said a word. Just obeyed.

Regina went up to the man.

"Please," he said. "Don't say anything. We'll look. Then we make decisions. If you think about it, you'll go mad. We've lost too many."

Regina nodded. That was the world they lived in.

As they walked on, Roland asked where his father was. Regina told him he was searching ahead.

It was as though it hadn't happened, except when they did set up camp, some left to search.

But gone. Just like that.

How could he and Little John fight off such a beast? Not without magic. She went over the scene again and again in her mind. She could have used magic to stop it, but her first thought was for the boy. As before. For Roland.

And that might have cost him his father.

Cost her.

Yet Regina went through the usual routine with the boy. As she started to sing him to sleep he asked after Robin again.

"In the morning," Regina soothed, "he'll be back in the morning." She couldn't do otherwise. If the worst was true, he was young. He would not hold the lie against her. He had such trusting eyes. He trusted.

He trusted her.

As she continued to sing, a forbidden thought came.

Her happy ending.

According to Tinkerbell, Robin was her happy ending. But these things are never clear.

Maybe, just maybe, in a way she never knew, the happiness was through Robin in the boy before her. She had grown attached to Roland and he to her. When they reached Rumplestiltskin's castle, it would be easy to take him with her.

To Storybrooke. Be her son. Completely hers. No parents to come later and make a claim. She would give him everything, a comfortable life, a world with antibiotics that wouldn't take those he loved with the slightest fever.

Hers.

How quickly it all changed.

Roland fell asleep, and she went to the fire. The fire where she and Robin would speak for hours. She stared blankly into the flames. Every spark gone. Every indulgent moment with him, just a memory. She looked beyond the flames then, into the darkness. In the darkness….she could find her love. With a new son. Finally.

Darkness.

And she felt horrible. Horrible first for her thoughts of taking Roland, and then because she began to miss that spark with Robin. That warmth. It was steadying. It was…

She wasn't sure what it was, but she would miss it.

Gone.

It wouldn't be the first or the last death. And she just had to move on. Move on. And then…

She heard uproarious talking, laughing.

Laughing!

Regina stood up and sped walked to the sounds. The Merry Men were surrounding Little John and Robin, both rather beat up, but in great spirits. Replaying blow by blow how they fought and killed the beast.

"Oh my God, I've never felt more alive!" Robin exclaimed.

That did it.

Her brain completely saw red. Yes. It was really was red she saw.

Red. Hot. Rage.

Regina strode right up to them. Robin halted when he saw her. Relief on his face.

She was now seeing white.

Blinding white.

"What the hell is this?" she hissed.

All stopped in their tracks.

"What's what?" Robin asked.

"What. The. Hell!"

Regina vaguely saw the men melt away, nervously retreating.

It was just the two of them now.

She advanced upon him. "Your son is asleep, and by the gods, if you wake him up..."

Regina pointed him to a safe hearing distance from the camp. She was seeing stars now.

Maybe it's true. A person's head can explode from rage.

"What the hell!" She was shouting now.

"I don't quite know, Regina," Robin said slowly.

"While you were off getting your testosterone fix and fighting the effing beast, I was back here with your son! YOUR SON! I put him to bed, and I lied to him. I lied!" And thought about kidnapping him. "I said his father was just fine. I said that you would be back for breakfast. Do you know what it's like to put a boy to bed knowing the next day you're going to have to tell him his daddy isn't coming home? Do you know what I had to do? Do you know?"

He was still as stone. Expressionless.

"And then you come back, all fine, and happy, and ….." Regina fished for the words. "And alive!"

She wasn't sure how loud she was by now. And she didn't care.

Finally Robin stirred and spoke, "My apologies, m'lady. The next time I am carried off by a foul beast, I will be certain to die."

Regina's chest was heaving and she felt her eyes spark fire. But she was calmer.

She straightened. "Thank you. I'm glad we got that sorted out."

"No, it's not sorted," Robin said, his voice dangerously calm.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I would have you know that I was nearly bloody well killed," his voice was building to a climatic shout as hers had, "and then I come back alive, only to be greeted by a shrieking woman!"

"Shrieking? SHRIEKING?"

"Yes, dammit!" Robin threw down his bow.

"Well what the hell did you expect?" Regina spat.

"Maybe I bloody well expected that I would be greeted as any sensible woman would, with the kiss I deserve!"

"Oh, well, wouldn't you like that….Isn't it always…" She abruptly stopped. Looked at him. "What?"

"You heard me!" He looked rather terrifying.

Regina's mouth opened. Then shut with a clack. Robin's chest was heaving too. She had never seen a man so furious. His eyes were on fire. Like he was about to commit murder.

As she felt. And…

And yet he had said… Had he?

Then she must have taken another step because Robin was closer. So close, they were nearly touching. Or had he moved?

This was insane.

Regina looked up, and he was looking down.

Screw it.

She stood on her toes and kissed him.


	9. Chapter 9

**When the breeze blew from the turret,**

**as I parted his hair,**

**it wounded my neck**

**with its gentle hand,**

**suspending all my senses. **

It was slow, gentle, and, well, very nice.

Ok. More than a little nice.

She broke away, but their faces stayed close together.

And then her took her head between his hands and kissed her.

And…..

Coherent thought just left every cell that operated her brain. Damn. Was she floating? No. He just was lifting her up, and …well…..not sure how long, but, but…

Hell, she wasn't complaining.

Not one little bit.

Finally, her feet were back on the ground and her head was, well somewhere on his shoulder? Neck?

Whatever.

She inhaled, and speech returned. "Ok. You got your kiss. So are you going to stop yelling at me now?"

"You started it!" Robin accused.

"You were the one acting all entitled," Regina shot right back.

"Are you really going to start this now?"

Regina thought about it. "No," and she went up to kiss him again.

She needed air sometime. And . . .

Sh-. Her happy ending, as awful as it was, vanished.

No unethical kidnapping of a little orphan boy, no new son, just a very sexy man that she was making out with.

His hand brushed some of her hair back, and that damned tattoo.

She stiffened.

"What is it?" Robin asked.

"Nothing." She stepped back, "I'm uh, I'm sorry, didn't mean to."

"No," he shook his head, "Don't. Do not run away."

"I'm not running," Regina protested. "I'm going to walk."

Robin reached for her hands, "Regina, talk to me."

She took a step back, "No, I don't think I will. I'm not much of a talker. In my world we just react, get mad, tell somebody they're horrible, and then pat ourselves on the back for being tolerant. The talking thing is for your little world."

"Oh, do not …"

"Good night," she backed away some more. "I…I didn't mean to lead you on. That wasn't very nice."

Not very nice? Really?

Regina walked and walked. Dang, when he lifted her he must have … Oh, getting them out of sight.

The forest equivalent of "getting a room."

Eventually she found her tent and dived in. And wow! Was asleep immediately.

She may have heard him walking outside. Stopping. But then, well, she was asleep.

The next morning everything was all just normal. Regina got Roland up, made sure he had breakfast, packed her tent, and off they walked!

She made no eye contact with Robin, of course, because why would she do that?

He too followed the routine, moving along in the same pattern, ahead, behind, and she might have felt his eyes burning a hole in her direction now and then, but …. Oh, Roland needed some help here!

"Regina."

Where did he come from?

"We need to talk," Robin said.

Talk? Why?

"About what?"

He was not being put off, "About what happened between you and me last night."

"Oh." She looked straight ahead.

"Regina. . . "

Fine then!

"Why?" she spun to face him. "Why? Why, Robin? I'm going to be gone forever in a day or two, or three. What's there to talk about?" She saw a large trunk blocking their path. Roland had run ahead, "Roland wait! Let me help you."

But Robin beat her to it and lifted his son over, and before she could object, he did the same to her. And held her waist between his two hands. She stubbornly looked down. His hands didn't move.

Regina looked up at him, "Are you an idiot? Did you hear what I said?"

He looked right back at her, "I heard you, Regina." He let her go and moved on.

Smug bastard.

Or . . .

No. Smug bastard!

When they finally made camp—perhaps the longest day of Regina's life—the routine went the same.

She got Roland to bed, sang him to sleep again, and then . . . well usually she went to the fire. And dammit, she would!

Regina sat down and yes, Robin was there. As he had been in their little routine.

She stared into the flames and made a show of warming herself.

Robin gave an ironic laugh. "So, you're not completely avoiding me."

"Why should I?" she turned to look, trying to be casual. "It's a nice warm fire, and…"

Some of the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen were on her, eyebrows raised, inviting her to finish her sentence.

"And?" he prodded.

"And…"

And she leaned in and kissed him again.

Damn!

This time it was a little more intense, if that was possible. Though in a way, a little more like two teenagers than the grown man and woman that they were.

Kind of like her and Daniel. In the stable loft.

Daniel.

They were lying side by side.

And she was thinking of Daniel.

Robin opened his mouth to speak, "Don't say it!" Regina stopped him.

"Say what?"

"'I told you so.'"

He smiled, "Do I need to?"

Smug bastard!

"Now, Regina, let's talk."

Will she let him win this one? What really was the point? What to talk about?

What to say?

Then the subject seemed to drop down from Heaven. Or Hell. Or both.

His chain, had become loose, or had it, sh-, his little vest thing had gotten undone… oh, she had done that. And his shirt was very fine and…the chain. The ring.

The ring.

Regina eyed it, "Talking could get awkward."

He looked down at it. "Does that bother you?"

"No, but…"

"So you mind," Robin stated.

"No," she insisted. "I really don't. You and I…well I'm not sure what it is, but it's not that, is it?"

He shrugged. She tried again, "This is you. Your heart belongs to her. Why should I mind?"

Talking about a man's dead wife after a tumble in the leaves. Lovely.

"Let me try this again," Regina took a deep breath. "I understand. My heart belongs to another too. Actually I was just thinking of him."

Oh no.

Robin's mouth opened, closed. Then, "Now that is awkward."

Regina wanted to die, "You see, that's it. I don't know why I keep wanting to, to well… " Snog him?

He touched her cheek. "If it makes you feel better, what this is, it's mutual."

It was.

Whatever this was.

Was she really going to do this? Have a three day fling in the forest?

Regina looked at him again. A rather fine looking…. Robin Hood.

Why not?

She leaned her head on one hand, looking up at him.

Why the hell not?

Robin continued. "You said your husband never had your heart."

Oh. Talking.

"Who was he?" he asked softly.

"I shouldn't have said that. It was tacky," she sat up and turned away.

"You don't have to say anything," he said, sitting up too. "It's not my business. Unless you want it to be."

"It's…." And for some reason Regina wanted to tell him. Wanted him to know. She turned back to him. "His name was Daniel. My fiancé. We grew up together, best friends, and then, the inevitable. Women and men can't really be friends can they?"

A long pause. This was a bad idea.

Robin took her hand, caressing it, "What happened, Regina?"

"My mother killed him," she said simply. The movement on her hand stopped. "After he gave me my ring, she ripped his heart right out of his chest."

His hand went to his mouth, pressing against it, "Oh my God, Regina."

Regina shook her head, "It was a long time ago. But," damn it, tears were pricking at her eyes, yet she said it, "I still love him."

"Time doesn't erase what we feel," he said quietly.

She shrugged, "I suppose I don't mind the ring, because I kept his too. For years. But I gave it up to hurt someone. I dishonored his memory. And did it with barely a second thought. " She wiped at her eyes, "I'm really a rather horrible person."

And on that, they began to walk back to the camp. There was no talking this time, and Regina didn't want to ask what he was thinking.

They were by the fire again, where they would part for their tents. But he held onto her hand, "We do have to sleep, Robin," she said with a small smile.

"Maybe a solution? Maybe sleep with me?"

Her jaw may have dropped, her hand certainly did.

Robin laughed nervously, "That sounded wrong. Not like that, of course!"

Of course. He was a gentleman.

Regina took his hand again, "Sucks to be you, then. You didn't give me a chance to say 'yes."


	10. Chapter 10

**- him I knew so well - **

**there in a place where no one appeared.**

Regina was already getting Roland ready when Robin came over and swung the boy around, and then he gave her a kiss. "Good morning."

"Good morning indeed," she kissed him again. "If it got any better I'd need a cigarette."

Robin frowned. She laughed, "Nevermind."

"Nevermind," he shook his head. "No. I'll get you back for that."

"In a good way?"

"Sure!" and he kissed her, taking her breath away.

It was fun, this.

"Let's get ready, Robin," Regina laughed when they broke away. "Another long day ahead."

"Happily, the last leg we'll be riding."

"Riding?"

"Yes." Regina looked down, "You do know how to ride?" he asked.

"Of course I do!"

"But?"

He would know that there was more.

"I don't like to," Regina admitted. "I haven't since the curse hit."

"There's no riding in Storybrooke?" Robin asked.

"Oh, there is. I just haven't," she fell into step with the rest of the group. "There it's for fun, but riding isn't fun for me. Brings back bad memories."

A small pause. Great. Ruined the fun.

"You can ride with me, if you want," Robin suggested.

Aha! Stepped right into that!

Regina's eyebrows lifted saucily. He shook his head and without a word walked ahead for his watch.

Later, Robin doubled back to walk with her and Roland, "Why not do the opposite of what you want?"

"No, thank you very much. I'll stick with my original plan," Regina looked ahead.

"What? And run alongside us?"

"No!" Regina, playfully slapped at him. He dodged her with a laugh. "I'll ride with you." They were falling behind. "Uh, your Merry Men seem to be letting us alone," she noted. "They ok with this?"

"This?" Robin asked.

"Us."

"Oh. They're fine," he said, but he reddened.

Reddened.

"Oh my gods. They think you're a friggin' hero, don't they? Getting some Evil Queen?"

"Better than them wanting to shoot you," he pointed out.

"And you!" Regina accused.

"I defend you!" Robin insisted, and then quickly mumbled, "In a way they'll understand."

"Ugh." Well, she had decided to play? She who dances must pay the fiddler.

She'd just pretend they didn't exist.

Hours later they finished the walk for the evening, and as the bedtime routine continued, Regina found herself getting more and more annoyed.

She sat by Robin at the fire with a curt snap.

"Fabulous," he remarked. "You going to sulk about this?"

"Yes!"

"You really want me to tell you?"

"Maybe," Regina muttered.

"Ok. All I did was tell them to quit being so jealous and get a beautiful woman of their own."

Oh. That wasn't so bad. "You think I'm beautiful?"

Robin scoffed lightheartedly, "You know you are."

"Yes. But you think I am."

"Of course."

"Say it," Regina demanded.

"Rather testy tonight." She arched an eyebrow. "Ok." Robin looked at her, "You're beautiful."

She kissed him.

"I might have said it a little more earthily than that," he said quickly and dodged another slap.

And then…

"Hey," Robin touched her chin, "what is it?"

"Nothing."

"If it were nothing…"

"I wouldn't be reacting, I know." Regina sighed, "It's going to be hard, that's all."

"What will?" he asked.

"All's fun and games until a woman casts a spell and is never seen again."

"Cheery, Regina," Robin remarked. "Can we just enjoy what we have left?"

"Carpe Diem?" she asked.

"Yes."

She stood, "I'm tired. Let's turn in."

And as they did, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her head.

"You're a good cuddler," Regina commented.

"I think I'm hurt!"

She rolled her eyes.

"Regina," Robin whispered in her ear, "think of this, I'm taking you riding tomorrow."

"That is not going to cheer me up!"

He continued, "Face it head on?"

Regina snuggled into him, "Let's not talk of it."

Not talk of it now.


	11. Chapter 11

…**all things ceased; I went out from myself,**

**leaving my cares**

**forgotten…..**

There were several horses in front of them. Regina was really wishing she hadn't told Robin about her reservations. She should have just got on the damn horse, ridden to Rumplestiltskin's castle and blanked out her emotions. But now Mr. Sensitive was all attentive, and trying to help her, make her face it.

Always wanting the best.

Maybe she'd need to find something to shake him up in revenge.

Oh.

She already did with all that "ring" talk.

Ok. Fine. She'd give him this.

He hoisted her up, like a gentleman, and instead of settling her behind him, he put her into the front. In command. In control.

Yet so out of control.

He settled behind her, "I know what you're doing, you know," she told him.

"Of course you do!" He wrapped his arms around her to grab the reins and kissed her on the neck as he started them into a gallop.

"And I know what that was all about!"

She felt his smile, "I know!"

And then they were flying. And …and she saw Daniel. Teaching her everything she knew about horses. How their first kiss was, her friend, and he hers…and then…

_Love again_….

She hadn't noticed that Robin had been sneaking her hands around the reins.

"Take the reins, Regina."

No. Not that. Anything…anything…

He let go, and she had the reins.

_Love again_

She wasn't in love, she wouldn't love, she was incapable of love…

She could take control though…

She grabbed the reins then, for they were slipping.

Damn him.

She wasn't sure which man she was cursing. Daniel. Robin. Both.

Both.

Did one need a spell to be both?

We are both….

She needed a drink. She needed to be anywhere but here. She wished she had never met Tinkerbell, never seen her stupid fairy dust, and never, never decided to even come here.

She was ready to be left alone.

Leave me alone.

All alone.

Alone.

Her and the darkness which swept all this away….

She wanted to be there, to drown in it, indulge in it, find it…..

But she couldn't find it.

It was gone, and there was this smug do-gooder pushing her…

She wished she had never met him, too.

But she had.

Suddenly the horse stopped.

She had stopped it.

There was nothing.

He helped her down without a word.

They were at the castle.

There was nothing.

And it was dark.


	12. Chapter 12

**This guided me**

**more surely than the light of noon**

**to where he was awaiting me**

**- him I knew so well - **

**there in a place where no one appeared. **

Regina, after dismounting, brushed herself off as Robin and the others brought the horses to the stable. She waited patiently with Roland until all returned , and then walked into the castle. She knew where she needed to go and would get there as fast as she could.

"Regina, wait!"

She kept walking. Deja vu.

He caught up with her, "Slow down Regina."

"No need to," she called back, "I know where I'm going. Let's just get this over with."

"Over with?"

"The spell, the portal, leave… "

"Regina…"

She kept moving.

"Dammit, Regina." His voice rang, "will you stop?"

She did.

Robin stood next to her. "You weren't going to say goodbye?"

"I'm not one for goodbyes," she replied.

"For once could you stop thinking only about yourself?"

That was like a splash of cold water.

Robin ran his hand through his hair, and continued, "Think that maybe there are more feelings than your own?"

Regina was completely stopped now. "I'm a terrible person, Robin. I told you that before."

She lifted her chin, but regretted it immediately. That caused the tears to overflow.

"Just slow down." He took her in his arms, "slow down, Regina."

She cried then. Fully. And then cried some more.

Somewhere she found her voice, "I don't want to go, Robin."

"And I don't want you to either," he spoke in her ear. "Have you not known, even in this short time?" He stopped and swallowed, "Do you really think I don't feel as gutted as you?"

Great! He wasn't helping to stop the tears.

So he held her for a long time, until her emotions subsided, somewhat. And then he broke the embrace gently and said, "Let's go together. Where is it?"

Regina wiped her eyes, "In the library."

"Ok. Let's go to the library."

Robin took her hand and they walked together.

Regina told Robin the title.

"A poetry book?" he asked.

Regina rolled her eyes, "Who knows why the imp does what he does?"

He smiled at that, and she did too. Ok. Good. Angst starting to abide.

Breathing in. And out.

Easier together.

So much easier together.

Robin would know the best way to do this, wouldn't he?

Smug bastard!

That caused her to laugh. Luckily, he didn't comment.

She then found the volume and pulled it out. Leafing through the pages she saw the parchment, folded up neatly.

Regina took the spell and handed the book to Robin, "Be sure to note the page. It may have something we need."

He nodded.

Regina looked the spell over and frowned.

"What is it?" Robin asked.

"He would wouldn't he?"

"What?"

"The stupid thing must be cast between the first light of dawn and the noon hour," she explained.

He stared at her.

Regina stared back, "I guess you'll get your slow goodbye."

"Yes," Robin replied, looked again at the page, folded over a small triangle, then said, "What do you say to a bath, change of clothes, and a lovely meal in the castle kitchen?"

"It sounds perfect, Robin," she smiled.

And she leaned in and kissed him.

She may as well give up.

Everything was always beyond her control anyways. No matter what she did.

Always beyond her.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Lover and the Beloved**

The bath was quite possibly the best Regina had had in years. Robin had brought her to the East Wing, the living quarters. There was a suite of rooms surrounding a living area. One of which was occupied by Roland, another Robin, the other, empty. It was in this empty room that she peeled off her clothes and sunk into the bath. All run by the magic Rumplestiltskin had enchanted for his castle.

She stayed as long as she could before getting overheated, and then stepped out where a dark brown…medieval dress awaited her.

Magic again.

Giving what she wanted.

Or maybe him.

When Regina emerged into the sitting room, Robin stood up from the floor where Roland and he were playing.

She stood up a little straighter, and just let him look.

Admire. Yep, she had one heck of a figure!

Roland ran to her hugging her about the legs, "I like your pretty dress."

"Thank you," Regina smiled.

"His father does, too," Robin said. He also had bathed and was no longer wearing his restrictive clothing, just casual in his pants and ruffled shirt.

Together they went to the kitchen where the other Merry Men were already eating.

"We prefer it here. More like home," Robin told her.

"Family atmosphere," Regina remarked.

"Yes. We are a family."

Surprising herself, she was able to eat. And then the camping routine continued except this time in a comfy bed, next to Roland, and she sang him to sleep for the last time.

_De colores,_

_de colores se visten los campos en la primavera._

_De colores,_

_de colores son los pajaritos que vienen de afuera._

_De colores,_

_de colores es el arco iris que vemos lucir._

_Y por eso los grandes amores de muchos colores_

_me gustan a mi._

He was asleep.

"Me gustan a mi," Robin said slipping his arms around her, nuzzling at her neck.

"You know what that means?"

"It sounds Latin," he shrugged.

He took her hand and led her to the sofa.

And Regina was very aware of this.

The Last Night.

He sat her down, her back against his chest, and then opened the book in which Rumplestiltskin had put the spell.

"You want to read poetry?" Regina asked astonished.

Robin laughed, "I want to read this one."

She took the book from him before he could begin. "This is St. John of the Cross. A monk. You want to read poetry from a monk!"

"Let's try this," Robin persisted. "Maybe something was left for us."

"You've already read it," she accused.

"Of course."

"Really…"

"Will you shut up and listen!"

Regina pretended to lock her lips up with a key.

_One dark night,_

_fired with love's urgent longings_

_- ah, the sheer grace! - _

_I went out unseen,_

_my house being now all stilled._

_In darkness, and secure,_

_by the secret ladder, disguised,_

_- ah, the sheer grace! - _

_in darkness and concealment,_

_my house being now all stilled. _

_On that glad night_

_in secret, for no one saw me,_

_nor did I look at anything_

_with no other light or guide_

_than the One that burned in my heart. _

_This guided me_

_more surely than the light of noon_

_to where he was awaiting me_

_- him I knew so well - _

_there in a place where no one appeared. _

_O guiding night!_

_O night more lovely than the dawn!_

_O night that has united _

_the Lover with his beloved,_

_transforming the Beloved into his Lover._

_Upon my flowering breast, _

_which I kept wholly for him alone, _

_there he lay sleeping,_

_and I caressing him_

_there in a breeze from the fanning cedars._

_When the breeze blew from the turret,_

_as I parted his hair,_

_it wounded my neck_

_with its gentle hand,_

_suspending all my senses. _

_I abandoned and forgot myself,_

_laying my face on my Beloved;_

_all things ceased; I went out from myself,_

_leaving my cares_

_forgotten among the lilies. _

Robin stopped and closed the book. "You liked that," he stated.

"Wasn't bad. "

"Interesting reading the Dark One left us. It's quite likely the most erotic poem I've ever read."

"It's not like that!" Regina explained, giving him a small smack. "It's by a monk! Something like entering into darkness and getting union with his god and other such blah blah blah. We have nuns in Storybrooke. They blather about that stuff all the time."

"Yes," Robin replied. "But I recognize it. And for a monk the union is different, but for those in the married state, they go through the darkness together, also reaching God."

"We're not married and I don't believe in God!"

Robin continued as though she had not spoken, "Enter the darkness so that when all is gone, nothing remains but light, the deepest part of your soul. No secrets, no pain, nothing but each other. And then finally, we are at rest."

There was a very pregnant pause.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Regina finally said, "but you are really turning me on." He kissed her, "Careful, Robin!" she warned.

"I am, Regina." He whispered, "My beloved."

There it was.

The best "get a woman into bed" routine she had ever seen.

And she let it happen.


	14. Chapter 14

"Oh why or why didn't I bring a pack of cigarettes with me?" Regina mused.

"I know that this is some sort of joke from your world," Robin said. They were laying side by side again, her hand propping up her head to look up at him.

She stretched lazily, "It's a compliment."

"Thank you." And he laughed with her. Then was sober.

"You aren't going to feel guilty about this, are you?" Regina asked.

"Probably," he replied after a moment, "I'm officially a scoundrel!"

"I don't think you are."

Robin touched her face, and kissed her forehead.

"It's not like you 'took my innocence.'"

He kissed her forehead again.

Fine. That was for him to work out.

What she wouldn't give to find out what his thoughts were between all their conversations!

Some levity?

"Come on, no hussies?"

"Hussies? What kind a man do you think I am?"

"A man."

He shook his head, and just kissed her.

She took his hand, "So then that's it then. Everything…"

"Well, there is one last thing that I haven't forgotten, no matter how many times you think I have."

"And what's that?" she gave him her best feline grin.

Robin held out his wrist. "This." The tattoo. "What was the pixie dust supposed to find, Regina?"

Time for the truth?

"I think you know," she told him.

"Perhaps."

He was waiting.

Regina sighed, eyes averted. "The pixie dust led me to a man with this tattoo," she touched it. "A man who would be my fresh start … happy ending. My true love after Daniel."

"And," his voice broke a little now, "was the pixie dust right?"

Tears leaked out of her eyes too, "Yes." She looked up at him, "I love you."

He embraced her and kissed her again, then touched his forehead to hers, "I love you too, Regina. I always will."

Later, she watched him dress, laying in the morning light that was streaking through the window.

No words now.

After slipping on his shirt, he moved back to the bed. She sat up. Robin cupped her head between his hands and kissed her for quite a while. Then, "See you in the parlor?"

She nodded.

Her voice wasn't working.

Robin began to leave, his hand reaching out to the dresser where his ring and chain lay. He grabbed it. Then halted.

Regina frowned. What was he doing now?

He pivoted, then walked back to the bed, took her hand and placed the ring in her palm, closing her fingers over it.

"No," she protested, "No! It's yours…..Roland's…"

He hushed her, "It's yours, beloved."

And he left her alone.

Roland was in the sitting room when Regina emerged, in her Storybrooke clothes again. She hugged him.

Her little one.

For such a short time.

She kissed his forehead.

"Be good for your Daddy," she told him.

He nodded solemnly, mercifully silent.

Robin was there too. They stepped in to the hall.

"I'll go by myself now," she said to the window, "to the library."

"Will you look at me?"

She shook her head.

"Regina….."

"I won't say goodbye to you, Robin." And yes, the tears again!

But he was crying too, "Then don't," he held her to him. "Thank you."

Yes. Thank you.

That was it. That was always it.

Her happy ending was to heal, not to live happily ever after with her lover, her beloved.

She knew that she would only have the darkness from here on.

But that would have to be enough.

Regina stepped back. "I'll never forget you."

He nodded.

As she left him, she put her hand into her pocket, grasping the ring and chain.

She held tightly to them minutes later as she cast the healing spell over Storybrooke's curse and was transported home.


	15. Chapter 15

Well. Here she was!

Home!

She looked about. Yep. All uncursed.

That was rather easy.

Would have been easier if the damned fairy hadn't given her the detour.

The detour.

No, she would not think about that.

Not a bit.

She walked outside her front door and was engulfed.

Henry.

"Mom!"

"Henry. Oh my gods, Henry!"

And she hugged him so hard and long that he laughed, "Mom, if you hug me to death, you won't get to see me!"

Regina ruffled his hair, "That's my boy!" She frowned, "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? It worked! You stopped the curse!"

"It's what I went away for, wasn't it?"

"Yes!"

Regina hugged him again. Then, "But Henry, your Mom."

"You're my Mom! Everybody asked everybody who I should be with but me! I want you both!"

That made tears come to her eyes, "Thank you."

Yes. This was why she came home.

Regina saw Emma standing a distance away. With that person.

"Congratulations, Regina." Emma walked forward, "You did it."

Regina shrugged.

"Hey! Mom!" Henry, shouted, pointing to her hand . "You got the One Ring! The ONE RING!"

"The what?" Regina looked and saw Robin's ring and chain in her hand. "No, it's not the One Ring." She hastily slipped it out of sight.

"Oh," Henry's face fell.

"I don't know, buddy," Neal leaned down to Henry conspiratorially, "Maybe we need to throw it into a roaring fire and see!"

Regina stared stonily at him, and then, "Emma, I want a DNA test, and I Want. One. Now!" She jabbed a finger towards Neal, "There is no way in hell this imbecile fathered my son!"

"Hey!" Neal protested, but Emma and Henry burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.

"It's not funny," Regina exclaimed to both of them. "I'm deadly serious!"

"Oh lighten up Regina," Emma chided. "Let's go to Granny's!"

"Hell no, everyone hates me there!"

"Not everybody," Emma said. "Tinkerbell has done nothing but talk about you the whole time you were gone."

"I bet she has," Regina growled, but she allowed herself to be dragged there, and yes, the little fairy came fluttering over.

"So, how'd it go?"

"How'd what go?" Regina blinked.

Tink just folded her arms and stared her down.

"It was what it was." Damn. Emma was listening in. "My detour, Miss Swan. Tramping through the woods for two weeks longer than I needed to because Tink dropped me off at the wrong place."

"Sure," Emma said knowingly. "Remember I can tell when somebody is lying."

"Yes, Emma," Tinkerbell eagerly moved to the blond, "Tell me if she's lying!"

"No, she can't tell," Regina glared at Emma. "Can you spell, maybe…. SIDNEY!"

Emma didn't take the bait and continued smugly, "I know you're holding something back."

"Congratulations," Regina said coldly. "Maybe it's time for both of you to mind you own damn business!"

"What is it Mom?" Henry had left the booth .

"It's nothing, Henry," Regina answered him.

He turned to Emma, "Moooommm!"

"Where's your smelly pirate, Emma?" Regina interrupted before Emma could answer.

Emma squirmed. Good! "He's not mine and he's gone sailing,"

"Because SOMEBODY broke his heart!" Tinkerbell chimed in.

"Shut it, fairy," Emma looked murderous.

"Well, that's one thing the two of us can agree on." And then Tinkerbell looked hurt, and so did Henry. "I'm sorry," she offered. For Henry. And Tink. She was almost her friend.

But even that couldn't dampen her joy at being with Henry again. Regina spent the rest of the day hugging him to death, then ending with them getting ready for bed with Emma leaving out the back. Oh yes, Grandpa Rumple had given Emma the house that joined the end of her yard. Wasn't that great?

Ok. Great for Henry. And it was all about him now. Only about him.

She looked at Henry's brown eyes. Not great. But doable.

And she had the satisfaction of knowing that Neal was NOT living with them.

Ha!

Regina tucked Henry into bed, he reminding her he was getting a little old for that, but just this night!

She kissed him and walked to her room.

Alone.

She would not think of him would not think of…and she could have sworn she heard Roland's little voice. She almost ran to the hallway to see. But of course not.

He wasn't there. He was gone too.

Her little hobbit.

She stood by the window but couldn't undress, couldn't go to sleep.

Was this how healing was supposed to feel?

Missing him so hard it hurt?

Yes.

This is exactly what healing feels like.


	16. Chapter 16

They were cooking pancakes. Sharing breakfast.

Wow. The two mommies. Happily ever after, all getting along, well, except for Neal who hung around every now and then.

She put up with that for Henry.

As for what Tink had said about Hook, Emma would only say that he left.

One side of Regina's mouth went up, "There's more to that story."

"Yes, and there's more to yours." Emma stepped up to Regina challenging, "I'll spill if you will."

Regina's face lifted, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, and the One Ring isn't hanging around your neck everyday!"

Regina's hand went to her throat. She would need to wear different shirts.

"It's not the One Effing Ring!"

"Then what is it Regina? Huh? Huh?"

Regina stayed silent.

"Then I'm not talking either!"

And so on and so on.

And on.

Every night Regina cried herself to sleep, refusing to turn out the light, just couldn't stand the darkness.

Not the darkness.

Emma and Tink kept trying to get information out of her and she found herself snapping at them more and more.

"Somebody has her period, " Emma muttered as she helped Regina clean up after Henry ran upstairs to finish getting ready for school.

"I do not have my period!"

She did not…

She did not have her period.

"Touchy." Emma saw her face. "Hey, what is it?"

"Nothing!"

"If it were nothing you…"

"Shut up, Swan!"

"Is it your period?" Regina didn't answer. "Oh my God, Regina. The One Ring man…"

"There is no mother-f- One Ri…!"

"Dang, Mom!" Henry's voice stopped her from completing her sentence.

Ooops.

"I'm sorry, Henry. That was wrong of me."

The things we say to our children!

"Why do adults always worry about using bad words in front of us, but allow us to go to school?"

Both women thought about it.

"He has a point," Emma said.

"Yes. Clever boy. Now off you go," Regina kissed him. "The bus will be here soon."

After Henry left, Emma went back to the conversation. "Regina…"

"There's nothing."

"Ok." She made air-quotes, "'Nothing.' But, hey. I know we're not friends, but I'm here for you and …"

"Go away!" Regina shouted.

Emma went home.

And she went to the drug store.

Oh please oh please oh please

She was so stupid so stupid so stupid

It was negative.

Then she cried that she wasn't pregnant for the rest of the day and all through her period when it did come.

She cried too much.

How could she be so unhappy when she had everything she ever wanted?

Henry was beginning to notice.

She tried to hide it more.

But he still knew something was wrong.

Then he surprised her one Saturday morning when he blurted out, "It's been forever since you've taken me to see Grandpa."

"Forever? You see him, them, all the time." Regina couldn't get rid of the Imp and Blue Eyes if she tried.

"No, the other Grandpa. In the cemetery."

Daddy.

"You want to go lay some flowers on his grave?"

He nodded.

And they did. Then as Henry settled the vase, Regina took a few.

"What's that for, Mom?"

"I want to leave flowers for another. Someone special."

He looked skeptically at her. "Who?"

"Let me show you."

Regina took him to a single grave.

"Henry, this is Daniel."

She laid the roses.

"Who's Daniel?"

"Daniel, Henry, was my one true love."

His expression was priceless.

She smiled at him, "Let me tell you about him." They sat down on a nearby bench. "Daniel was the stable-boy at my home. He loved horses …."


	17. Chapter 17

"This is the most awesome movie ever!"

Henry and Neal were bonding , chomping on popcorn, their feet propped up on the table.

The two children.

Emma had more than once rebuked her saying her view of Neal was skewed and unfair. Regina had replied by asking what was wrong with that? The subject had dropped.

"No, it's not." Regina heard Emma respond to Neal. "The plot and characters are anachronistic, he has a horrible accent and a mullet!"

Regina came in with more popcorn, "What are you watching?"

"Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," Henry answered.

"The dumbest movie ever!" Emma said. "Hey, are you going to hand over the popcorn or pose for your portrait a little longer?"

Regina shook her head. "Yes. Of course." And she slammed the bowl down.

"Geez, Regina, what'd the table do to you?" Neal asked.

"Emma's right," Regina spat. "The movie is stupid. No, it's not just stupid. It's ridiculous and I think my son shouldn't be exposed to it!"

"C'mon," Neal drawled. "You gotta admit it's pretty sweet when he says to Marian 'I'd die for you.'"

"No, I really don't think it is."

Then the idiot the started to sing! Henry joined in.

_Yea, I'd fight for you, _

_I'd lie for you, _

_Walk the …._

The TV exploded.

Neal froze.

Henry shot to his feet. "Mom! You blew up the TV!"

"I'll buy another one," Regina muttered and stomped off to the kitchen.

"Ok," she heard Neal say. "Actually, your Mom is kinda right. It's not like the real Robin Hood, but neither are any of the movie versions of you all. It's kinda sad, Marian died and Robin was left with only his son to …"

Regina turned on the sink to drown out the conversation. She felt tears coming, and breathed deep, trying to make them stop.

But then, of course, Emma had followed her. "So. Robin Hood, huh?"

"Yes. Awful movie."

"I wasn't talking about the movie."

Regina didn't have the energy. "I noticed." A few tears spilled out.

"And I've noticed you are about the most miserable woman I've ever seen lately."

"Says the pot to the kettle." Regina turned away from the sink, "If you want the damned pirate, go get him!"

"I don't want..."

"Get him." She took a step forward, "Do you really want to be like me? No chance ever again? Not even being able to see him? With nothing but the empty hole in your heart? Really? Really?"

"Regina, I don't know what …"

"Get your damned pirate! Just get him. Now I have to take Henry to the stables."

For she went with him now.

And she also rode with Henry. She rode every day.

Just last week she had met with an architect to design more stalls.

In Daniel's name.

And life went on, one day into another. The days were the best. It was the nights she couldn't stand.

Sometimes Tinkerbell came over. She was after all the closest thing Regina had to a friend, and she had to admit she was rather fond of her. In more charitable moments, she even forgave her for the little stunt with Robin. Tink was just trying to make her happy.

And then Henry caught the flu.

That was quite the distraction as she nursed him through his forty-eight hours of misery. When he was up to it, Regina and Emma took him to where his "castle" used to be. His favorite place.

Then . . . Damn. She was getting it.

"Emma, do you mind staying with Henry? I'm going home. I think I'm coming down with what Henry had."

"Ugh, sorry."

So Regina didn't see Henry spot the Jolly Rodger as it sailed in. Didn't see Emma walking up the plank a little too fast . . .

And then hear Hook calling out, "Hello, beautiful! You won't guess the catch I've brought in!"


	18. Chapter 18

Yes. Regina wanted to die.

She was lying in bed, in a darkened room. Moving every now and then to the "porcelain god" and back to bed.

Emma or Henry would bring in food and drink.

"Stay hydrated," Emma kept saying.

Yea. She knew. She just didn't care.

The good news was that for once she could lay in the darkness and not think about Robin.

She couldn't think about anything.

Emma once said something strange, "There's a lot going on in town."

"Isn't there always?" Regina's head stuck a little out of her covers.

"Regina, I don't know how to tell you this ..."

"Don't. I want to die."

"Regina I really think…"

And then Regina crawled back to the toilet for another session.

A day maybe later. "Hey Mom!"

Regina's head poked out, "Yes?"

"Do you think you could see someone?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Ok. Well, I know it seems weird, but he really wants to see you."

"Tell him to go to Rumplestiltskin and get whatever he wants from him. I've retired from 'Saving Storybrooke."

"Ok."

And Henry disappeared as she made a run for the restroom.

Then like clockwork, the flu stopped after two days.

Regina showered, dressed, and went downstairs.

She grabbed some crackers and headed out. Now that she was feeling better, she was a little curious about what the fuss was. As she drove, she saw that all of Storybrooke seemed to be out. There were a lot of people. She would get to the bottom of this and knew just who to visit to find out.

Minutes later Regina was in Rumplestiltskin's shop.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" he greeted her.

"Lovely? The town looks like it's in an uproar. What … what are you smiling about?"

"Why our score. I believe it is now completely even between you and I."

"It will never be even," Regina said through gritted teeth, "except maybe when one day I won't have to clean up the messes you start!"

Rumplestiltskin cackled, "Oh, oh dearie."

"What the hell, Imp!"

"All magic comes with a price," he sighed.

Regina's eyes narrowed, "What did you do?"

"Rather, what did you do?"

"I don't have time for this," Regina dismissed and began to leave.

"True," Rumplestiltskin said loudly, "they may have preferred to stay in the Enchanted Forest, but then, since when did either of us give a damn about what others wanted when we needed our 'happy ending?'"

Regina froze. "What are you talking about?"

"When you cast that little spell to save us all, it appears you weren't the only one who got sucked into the portal. The inhabitants of the entire Enchanted Forest had a trip too. Though with a detour."

The…., realization dawned. Did he just say …?

"You're welcome," Rumplestiltskin said, then went back to his ledger.

Regina darted out the door. Henry was there.

"Mom! I saw your car. You're feeling better?"

She leaned down both hands on her son's shoulders, "Henry, your grandfather said…is it true that everyone from the Enchanted Forest is here?"

"Yea. It's really messed up. Everyone's still trying to figure it out, but it's been a lot of fun. You'll never guess who's here?"

Oh, she could guess.

"Robin Hood!" Henry answered himself. "The real one, and you were right. That movie sucked. He's not like that at all."

"You've seen him?"

"Yea, he was the one that wanted to talk to you."

"He . . . you met him?"

"Yes, and Mom, he has a little boy named Roland. He's so cute! He looks just like Frodo Baggins….Mom, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." And Regina started down the street, couldn't think couldn't see.

Oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods

"Where?" she demanded.

"Where what?" Henry asked slowly, looking a little afraid.

"Robin Hood. Where is he?"

"Oh, at Granny's, and he . . ."

But Regina took off as fast as she could in heels.

Her ring had come from her blouse and was swinging from its chain.

But she didn't care about that anymore.

Time seemed to slow as she got close to Granny's. Out front there were many people, talking, planning, doing something, and then one turned around.

She stopped.

"Hello, Regina," Robin said. He just stood there. So calm so…

And she darted forward like a one-hundred meter sprint athlete, nearly knocking him down as she slammed right into his arms, and kissed him.


	19. Chapter 19

"You really know how to drive a man mad, Regina. Do you know that?"

"Yes!"

Robin shook her a little, gentle, lovingly, "So close, and for two days I couldn't see you!"

"I had the flu! If I had known..."

He kissed the top of her head, "It's all well."

"Yes." Regina looked up at him, "Robin, I'm sorry. I had no idea that the spell would do this."

"It's done; we'll worry about that later, beloved. Together."

And that caused the ugly cry to begin. Finally she was able to sob, "Where's Roland?"

"With Granny," he answered. She cried more, leaning against him.

And then Robin looked around. Quite a crowd had gathered and were just staring, "Let's go somewhere a little more private," he said low in her ear.

"Yes." She saw Henry standing there, his mouth hanging open, and Emma by him, grinning ear to ear.

She'd deal with that later.

They went to his and Roland's room and Regina just clung to him and cried. He buried his head in her hair and they stayed like that a long time.

But Regina couldn't stop crying.

"Regina, it's ok. I'm here," Robin soothed.

"I know, it's. . . it's just been…"

He held her then shushing, then, "Regina, there's something I need to know."

"And what's that?" she said, her voice muffled against his shirt.

"Are you pregnant?"

Oh.

Well, she was a complete mess, and it wasn't entirely impossible.

She looked up, hiccupping a little, "No."

Robin exhaled, "I'm sorry, I had to ask, I was…"

"No, it's fine ..." she told him.

"…. the burden my selfishness would have put on you."

"Burden?"

"All alone… just because I wanted to be close to you, thinking of myself before you."

"Shh, it's all well. All well. You said so yourself." And now Regina shook him a little, "And you listen to me, Robin Hood; you don't have a selfish bone in your body!" He began to protest, "Not one! Now," she sat up, "I want to see Roland."

Later, they were all at Regina's mansion, she insisting they stay with her.

"My castle," she said.

She invited Robin's companions but they had their own reunions with their loved ones.

Henry was there too, this first night, along with Neal and Emma. Neal and Robin spent a good deal of time catching up.

Regina sighed. She'd have to be nicer to Neal now.

The things we do for love!

Henry for his part was still a little in awe of the fact that his mom and Robin Hood were together.

And Roland. He was adorable. Already following Henry everywhere and Henry was great with him. Getting out some old toys and books for him to read.

Regina opened a bottle of Chianti for the adults. "And now, how about the best lasagna you've ever had?"

And so this was it.

Her happy ending.

The boys went to sleep, Emma and Neal went home, and Regina and Robin sat on her couch by a roaring fire.

The darkness was back, but they were in it together. She embraced it as she laid her head on his shoulder and almost believed. 

**I abandoned and forgot myself,**

**laying my face on my Beloved;**

**all things ceased; I went out from myself,**

**leaving my cares**

**forgotten among the lilies.**


	20. Chapter 20

**If you like, you can consider the story having ended in the last chapter **

**Some time later…**

All were at the Storybrooke town line, saying their goodbyes to Henry and Emma.

Henry stopped briefly by Robin. "I'm glad you'll be there with Mom"

Robin ruffled his hair, like his mother would, "You're a good kid, Henry. It was nice to know you."

And Roland, looking up at his young idol, wearing his Hobbit T-shirt. The boys had watched the movie about a hundred times. "See you, Frodo," Henry called him by his nickname, "be a hero." Roland hugged him tight, clearly not understanding, but knowing what goodbye meant.

Out of the corner of her eye, Regina saw Hook saying something to Emma, and other farewells.

Her heart tore in two when she hugged her son for the last time.

She knew the right thing to do.

Yes, she would have Robin and Roland, but she had to give up the great love of her life. But to make him happy, she would have to do something worse.

Only Emma heard the plan to give them new memories.

Her last gift to her son.

For a brief moment Regina watched the bug drive away.

And then she cast the spell that would send them all to the Enchanted Forest.

**A.N.**

**I know that I said that the Epilogue would be happy, but then "Going Home" happened and I decided to keep the story going and do the best I could to tie it into canon. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until we see OutlawQueen in March to do that Thank you all for the lovely reviews and for enjoying this.**

**See you in March!**

**(I have some "Interludes" that follow which will cover shameless fluff—we'll need it to get through the wait—between the time of Regina and Robin's reunion and "Going Home.")**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN. I call these "Interludes." Little One-Shots that happened after the reunion of Regina and Robin before they all go back to the Enchanted Forest in my fic world. Not part of main story, but scenes that just popped into my head. Shameless fluff.**

**Interlude I**

It was her worst nightmare.

The first Christmas with their one big dysfunctional family.

Charming wanted it. The happy family, finally getting together.

Or having a truce?

The one thing that kept Regina sane about the prospect was that Rumplestiltskin would be there and about as welcome as she. They could share the awkward.

Robin of course had become best friends with everyone in the entire town in about thirty minutes.

Surprisingly though, he was a little skeptical about all this too.

The Middle Ages thing.

It started when he kept insisting it was Advent, not Christmas, so putting up decorations was just wrong.

Regina tried to explain it to him, but he got that look in his eyes, so a compromise. Emma would decorate at her house and they would wait until Christmas Eve.

That opened up the floodgates to all of those from Sherwood Forest wanting to celebrate in their way.

So before Regina knew it, her house became the friggin' Middle Ages.

But if she had to put up with that in order to be with Robin, so be it. She knew who had the better end of the deal.

Then Robin had inquired if her cook would be willing to make up some favorite dishes.

"There is no cook," Regina replied.

And so a verbal spar began which ended with a lesson in rhetoric about why people should have cooks and regular servants.

Regina hired a cook.

And a nanny. Why not?

A nanny, but not a wife. Robin wanted the latter, but Regina was not ready for that. It became enough for him that she always wore his ring around her neck.

And there never was a doubt that she was madly in love with him.

Then Robin announced that he would like to spend Christmas Day at the convent's nursing home, giving cheer and visiting the forgotten elderly.

Of course he did.

"It's important to think of those who are lonely and I want Roland to appreciate that all are not as fortunate as he."

Indeed.

"But we don't have to spend all day with the nuns, at least tell me that," Regina asked exasperated.

"Of course not. They're in the cloister."

"No, they're not! They're everywhere."

"Oh, those are the sisters."

Regina's head was starting to hurt.

"Sisters are like the friars and the nuns like monks," Robin explained.

Her head was pounding then.

Robin continued, "Of course when the new spell brought the nuns from Sherwood here, the sisters gave them a place."

"And you helped them, I suppose."

"Of course."

Well, she had fallen in love with Robin Hood.

The whole "stealing from the rich" thing though was something Regina firmly asserted would not go over in Storybrooke.

"It's not because they were rich that we stole," Robin insisted. "We took what," uncomfortable pause, "what you had taken from the people, and gave it back."

Oh. That.

Finally Christmas came, and it was about as painful as Regina suspected. She had to ignore Emma's "*cough* Grinch *cough*" as the entire family gathered to drink eggnog, sing carols, and exchange presents. Regina felt about as comfortable as a cat taking its first bath.

No, worse.

She had the odd company of Rumplestiltskin with whom she could retreat while their significant others mingled with the Charmings, and the other guests.

Though it wasn't entirely like a visit to the dentist's chair.

Roland was doted upon by all, and Henry was happy that they were all together.

And that's really what was most important.

After Roland fell asleep, Regina and Robin prepared to sit up by the fire, and as Robin refilled their drinks, he urged her to go ahead and sit down.

When she did, she saw a dozen roses.

And Robin lingering at the door, watching.

"I thought we'd agreed on no presents?" Regina told him.

"We had," he replied.

She should have known.

Regina opened the card.

_Happy Christmas, beloved._

No, she wasn't complaining at all.


	22. Chapter 22

**Interlude II**

**More shameless fluff.**

It was strange getting everything back to normal. Or as normal as it could be for Regina to have Robin and Roland in her life. Not quite as awesome either because Robin had insisted on reverting back to "gentleman," rather than "scoundrel."

The stereotypical male-female role-reversal amused her.

Sometimes.

New Year's Day was particularly different when, as Robin and Roland were heading out to Mass, Henry tagged along. So Regina found herself in the convent parking lot watching Henry, Roland, and just about every kid in Storybrooke running around like wild people. Robin apparently was still inside saving the world, so Regina waited outside her car, as a Cadillac pulled up.

_The_ Cadillac.

Of course. Belle would be a part of the goodie-goodies. How all this worked out with fairies, magic, nuns, sisters, priests, friars, and Middle Ages Storybrooke was beyond her and the last thing she cared to learn about.

Except it was important to the man she loved.

Rumpelstiltskin was apparently in the same boat as she.

Hard to be dating freaking saints.

If dating could be used to describe their relationships.

Rumplestiltskin rolled a cigarette and held it out to her.

Regina saw Tinkerbell flitting over.

She took it.

"So! Working out it seems?" Tink asked, bubbling over with enthusiasm.

Regina didn't even bother, "Yes."

Tink smiled so brightly Regina had to take a long drag.

"Though I will say," Tink admitted, "I don't think I'm into this 'sister' thing. It's very odd."

"Well, you missed out on all the 'We are Both' fun," Regina told her drily.

"I guess," she shrugged. "I'll always be a bit rogue."

"And there's nothing wrong with that." Part of the reason Regina liked her. "Do you know what's taking Robin so long?"

"Oh, he was confessing."

Confessing? What the hell did he have to confess?

Tink went on, "And then he stopped to talk to the priest about arranging some Sarum liturgy."

Regina didn't even want to know.

"He'll be out soon," Tink assured her.

The kids were all now bouncing around like ping-pong balls.

"I'd better call the kids over," Regina said.

"Going somewhere?" Tink asked.

"Laying some flowers."

"Ah." Tink sprouted her wings, "Well, keep me updated!"

Regina tried to smile as the fairy flew away, but it came like a grimace.

She would not look at Rumplestiltskin. That of course didn't deter him from musing aloud about the "irony" of her being with the most selfless man in the Enchanted Forest.

"You're one to talk," Regina sniped, "being with a girl named 'Belle.'"

He didn't answer, just crushed out his cigarette as his little fashion plate came over, "Later, dearie."

"I'm not your dearie," Regina muttered under her breath.

Finally Robin came out, and gave her a brief kiss, unaware, or more likely deliberately aware, that everyone was watching. Always sure to make it clear that they were together and he didn't care.

"Ready?" Regina asked, ignoring the stares.

It had become something of a tradition to go to lay flowers at the cemetery. Daniel included. The first time she took Robin was the hardest, but he insisted. Their relationship was after all bound within recovery from their lost loves, as the ring around her neck so pointedly reminded her.

Then when dinner that night ended, Roland randomly asked, "Mommy, am I going to school too?"

Both Regina and Robin froze.

The evening had just become interesting.

"Well…." Regina stammered.

"Not yet, Roland," Robin answered him.

As the little boy ran to the back for more romping like a wind-up toy on the play-ground set, Robin said, "He probably heard it from the kids."

"School?"

"No."

No. Of course not. That would be easy.

They walked out to watch Roland play, silently sitting, and holding hands for quite a while. Regina wished he'd say something. She sure wouldn't.

Finally, he put her out of her misery. "He probably does see you as a mother. He has no memory of Marian."

Regina burst out, "I didn't…"

"I know." He took the hand he'd been holding and kissed it.

"But he did have a point about school."

"School?"

"Yes. Where kids learn."

"He's four," Robin said simply.

"They have pre-school," Regina let him know.

"A boy of that age needs to be at home, with his moth…." He stopped himself. The hole just kept getting deeper. "At home, being a child. Too soon to confine him as a scholar."

"It's not like that here."

"A young boy belongs at home."

Regina opened her mouth.

"He's my son."

Really awkward now.

"Yes, he is," Regina said softly.

And the conversation ended. But then Roland just had to call her "mommy" again when she kissed him goodnight.

Regina was getting so stiff from this day she'd need a chiropractor.

It wasn't helping that while things were nearly perfect, the one thing that stood between her and Robin like an ogre on steroids was that she hadn't said she'd marry him yet. And Roland had unwittingly thrown it in both their faces.

What would they be to each other?

Was this something they needed to talk about?

Gods she hoped not.

She hated "talking."

"Regina..."

Damn. Talking.

She held her breath, exhaled, then dived in, "Would this be unwelcome if I married you?"

"No."

No. So the question was why didn't she? Regina knew she could never be without him. When they were separated, she had been miserable, like a half of her soul had been missing.

"Is it the church wedding?" Robin asked.

"Maybe," she mumbled. "It means something different when you do that, doesn't it."

"No different than in the Enchanted Forest."

"But I'm of this world now."

And so it silently went on. For about five more minutes.

"I want you to be his mother."

He'd said it.

Fantastic. What to answer? Except that she wanted it too.

And he was just looking at her.

Did she want to marry him?

She looked back.

Oh, hell yes.

Well, the Church here required a waiting period.

"A long engagement?" Regina ventured.

And Robin looked so relieved! But of course, Mr. Selfless had to say even now, "I don't want to pressure you. If you really don't want to."

"I do want to," Regina insisted.

She didn't know how much until she'd said it.

Happiness, being at peace, was so fleeting in their lives, no matter what worlds they lived in. And as cliché as it sounded, she couldn't live without him.

Wouldn't hurt that they would be lovers again.

Wouldn't hurt at all.

And Roland _would _go to school. She'd win that one.

But now Robin was hugging her and he whispered, "A long engagement then, beloved."

Regina nodded. Yes, he was ridiculously perfect, and good-looking, and…

And she loved him.

"Yes."


	23. Chapter 23

**Interlude III**

**Really shameless fluff**

Aaaaannnnnd, Neal was over again. Her intended's bff. Regina poured herself a glass of wine in the kitchen, downing it all at once, and then pouring another, doing her best not to stumble as she oh so casually stood in the doorway with oh, just a newly poured glass of wine!

"That must have been wild!" Neal was saying.

"You say so, mate," Robin replied. "I got off of this normal ship into a new world."

"What was it like?"

"Emma and Henry were the first I saw. Roland was terrified, and I had to hold him, hiding his face for all he was worth as we walked down the gangway."

"Poor kid must have been freaked."

Robin nodded, "And I of course asked after Regina and Henry piped up that she had been feeling sick."

"Yea, I told you she had the flu," Henry said.

The wine glass dropped.

Damn.

"Regina?" Robin called.

"All's fine," Regina hurried to clean it up.

Henry continued, "And when I did that Mom, Emma-Mom, told me to be quiet. Now!" He and Neal laughed.

Robin didn't. He cleared his throat. "Yes. That was my first news of your mother in Storybrooke."

"Emma maybe didn't want to ruin the moment?" Neal suggested.

"I guess," Henry said, "but then Mom went all weird saying to Robin that it really, REALLY was the flu."

Now Neal stopped laughing.

"What?" Henry asked.

"Nothing," Robin and Neal said together.

So that was what made Robin so quick to ask!

Well, among the other rather valid reason that had made her run for a pregnancy test like Snow chasing a batch of sunshine stickers.

But still!

Change the subject. Change the subject. Regina went in, "And then we all lived happily ever after," her teeth ground with a smile.

"Yea, uh," Neal stammered, "uh, nice rock Regina."

Regina felt her face begin to crack. "It's a little late. Henry go get your things so you and your father can leave."

After they were seen out, Robin closed the door, "Yes, well. Maybe time to turn in," and he left quickly for the bedroom not looking at her.

One day she would find a way not to be humiliated when members of her "new" family gathered.

Maybe.

A positive, though, was the rock to which that person had referred.

Robin had rather surprised her after they'd agreed on the long engagement by randomly dropping to one knee and pulling out the ring, simply asking if she'd marry him.

Despite her determination to be cynical, her heart melted—it was his eyes, those eyes—and said, "I will."

So he got his traditional moment after all, sneaky though it was.

Now it was into January and Roland was getting ready for pre-school.

Regina smiled to herself.

After that first eventful day, when Roland was in bed and they were sitting before the fireplace, Regina asked something that gnawed at her sometimes when she was feeling pms'ed, "Why did you fall in love with me?"

"Why did you fall in love with me?" Robin asked without a beat.

"Don't answer a question with a question!"

"Why not? It's a perfectly acceptable form of inquiry and …."

"And we're not in an effing lecture hall!"

Robin just gave her his "smug" look, eyebrows raised.

"Ok," Regina gave up, "I don't know why."

"Neither do I."

How romantic.

"Maybe I'll write an essay in my twilight years, surrounded by our twelve children," Robin mused.

Oh dear gods!

"Twelve?"

"You want children?"

"Twelve," Regina gave him her "really" look. "Do the math, Robin! I'm not sixteen."

"Just a bit of hyperbole," Robin stated. But then, "Brings up a point."

Children.

"I have two sons already."

He pulled her onto his lap then, nuzzling at her. Damn he knew how to distract. "Not a little girl? A little 'evil queen?'"

Regina snorted, "No spawn of yours could be evil."

"Spawn! What do you think we'd have? A tadpole?"

Regina was starting to see the reason for the long waiting period in this world.

"You do know where babies come from, correct?" Robin asked.

"Now you're just being an ass."

"Not really," he said.

Of course not.

Robin moved his hand up and down her arm. Yes, he was serious.

Would she have agreed to marry him if she didn't want children? Probably not. Somewhere in her subconscious it had been there, that part of her he had always been able to read. Regina sighed, "You have no way of knowing if it would be a girl or a boy, now do you? Unless you now have been given the gift of second sight."

And he kissed her.

Maybe he should be the town shrink, Mr. Freud that he was.

She touched his face.

Second sight.

Or the mystery of love.

Regina kissed him again, and a re-run of their time in the Enchanted Forest make-out session began.

She'd let him write all about it if they made it to old age.

This was Storybrooke, after all.

But then Robin stopped the kiss for a long gaze into her eyes. His damn eyes.

And she thought nothing about any of it at all.


	24. Chapter 24

**Interlude IV**

**This one is just something crazy that popped into my head. Not sure if it's fluff, ridiculous, or a little of both.**

It was late afternoon when Regina came across Robin at the kitchen table poring over the Storybrooke Charter. He had been approached by Charming to serve on the council. No doubt Robin was ready to draw up his own version of the Magna Friggin' Carta.

But when he looked up and Regina saw the expression on his face, she was frightened.

"What is it?" she asked in alarm. "Is it Roland?"

Robin stood up, staring at her. "What happened?"

"What do you mean 'what happened?'"

"What happened to your hair?"

Regina put a hand to it, "Oh, I got a trim. The dead ends were driving me crazy."

"It's gone." He just stared.

"Only an inch," Regina shrugged. "Uh, Robin, are you alright?"

"No, I don't think I am." He took a step forward. "Your hair. Is. Gone."

"No," she said slowly, "an inch of my hair is gone."

He shook his head, "You didn't tell me."

"Are you wanting to become my hairdresser?" she laughed.

"That's not funny."

"No, it isn't. What you are doing is!" She smiled seductively, "So you have a thing for hair?"

"I wouldn't say…. it's really….. but…. Why?"

Yes, he had a thing for hair.

"Because it's convenient to keep it short. For crying out loud, my hair was so long in the Enchanted Forest, I could sit on it, and it was so damn thick I could barely run my hands through it!"

His jaw dropped, "Your hair was so long and thick that you could barely run your hands through it?"

"Yes," Regina nodded. "It took forever to brush at night!"

"Forever to brush," Robin's hand went to his chin and he looked horrified. "And you cut it?"

"Yes!"

He still just exuded incredulity.

"Oh my gods Robin, How the hell was I supposed to know?"

"There's nothing to 'know.'"

"Oh really?" Regina asked. "C'mon! Just admit it. You're 'into' hair. There's nothing wrong with that."

"It's not …." Robin began.

"It is. And maybe you could have told me so that you wouldn't be acting like I just kicked a puppy!"

"I am not…"

"Yes, you are!" Regina's arms spread out. "Most men get it by their woman walking around wearing black lace, with red ribbons, and trust me I have drawers full of things like that!"

"Oh my God, Regina!" And he turned away, his lips pressed together. She opened her mouth, "No," he waved his hand as though pushing her away, "I cannot continue this conversation."

And he left.

She heard the shower running in a bit. Cold shower, probably. Well, dammit, he started it by being so indignant about a hair-cut. What the hell! What was she supposed to…?

**The Next Morning**

"So," Archie said to the couple sitting opposite him, "I guess there are some things that you need to talk about?"

"No. Something he," Regina pointed, "needs to talk about and he damn well refuses to open his mouth!"

That got him. Robin turned to her aghast. "I need to talk about it?"

"Yes. I guess you think I'm psychic and should have known that my getting a trim was going to drive you bat-sh&% crazy! Maybe you could have just mentioned it!"

Archie broke in gently, "Maybe, Regina, what we're seeing is a bit of a cultural difference, something neither of you had considered before. He is still used to the Enchanted Forest."

"I think he has a point," Robin muttered.

"Oh please! It's not an 'Enchanted Forest' thing. I had plenty of lovers there and none ever praised me for my hair, I can assure you of that!"

Archie made a silent "ooooo" with his mouth.

Uh oh.

Robin opened his mouth. Shut it, and silently stalked from the room.

"Wrong thing to say?" Regina asked wincing.

"I would say," Archie said carefully. "It is usually not good to bring up past lovers."

"I didn't plan on it! It just came out."

Damn.

"Regina, since Robin isn't here, maybe we can look at the 'question behind the question.'"

A few hours later Regina looked out the kitchen window.

Robin was target practicing like he was preparing to storm a castle.

She walked over to him.

Arrows whizzed.

"Robin?"

Another sped straight to the bull's-eye.

"Will you stop for a second?"

"Why?" Whiz.

"Because I'm coming in and I don't want an arrow sticking out of my chest!"

He stopped.

And she walked in and put her arms around him.

Robin let her.

"Why the hell did you say that?" he mumbled against her shoulder.

"Because I was pissed!" She hugged him tighter. "I'm sorry. You know that I was, and quite frequently still am, horrible. I was off guard."

He exhaled.

"Are you going to forgive me?"

"Of course."

Yes, he would.

"Now," Regina said. "Let's get to the point. "

Oh my gods! She was actually initiating a "talk."

Regina looked him straight in the eye, "Robin, why didn't you ask for what you want?"

He shrugged, "I'd already pushed the marriage."

Was he really comparing asking her for long hair to her consenting to their wedding?

"You can ask for more than one thing in your life," Regina told him. "The world will not be thrown of its axis."

"Perhaps."

Regina leaned in and whispered, "I think it won't. I think you are so busy thinking of others, that you don't ever ask for what you want enough, that's what I think."

A long pause.

"Maybe you need to be a little more selfish now and then." She pulled back, "What do you say a compromise?"

"What kind?" Robin narrowed his eyes.

"I will grow it longer, but no way will it be as long as it was." Regina turned her back and put a finger to a point on her shoulder blade. "Here?"

She felt him put out his finger... "Here," an inch lower.

"Or …." She put her finger a half-inch higher.

Robin laughed.

She turned back around putting her arms around his neck. "A deal?"

He nodded and kissed her. "Maybe, curl it now and then."

And Regina smiled against his lips. Geez, if this was all it took to keep him happy!

"Deal."


End file.
